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I had a beautiful fairy friend....
She was a shining spirit - full of life and creativity....
But most of all - she was the embodiment of Pure, Unconditional Love....
She loved everybody - always smiling - always saying "hello Love", "goodbye Love"...
Always singing "Love, Love, Love"....
Her life was a work of art and her being was pure inspiration and joy....
I loved her - everyone she ever met loved her....
Then I found out she was brutally murdered....
She was in Asia - home alone - someone tried to rob her - she fought back and was stabbed to death....
Grief, shock and disbelief overcame me....
I could not get my head around it - I could not believe that this could happen to one of the most wonderful people on this earth....
she did not deserve to go like this....
I could not imagine the fear and terror she must have felt with her last breath....
the thought of it made me physically ill....
I understand that we all must die....
and yes, it's tragic that she had to pass - her time had come - etc....
But NOT like this - how could someone so peaceful and full of unconditional love and light suffer her last day of life like this....
This can not be the way - this is just not fair - this can't be the way the universe works - it just can't.....
A week had passed after I heard the news...
I couldn't come to terms with it....
I was listening to a Pema Chodron discourse on audio....
I was deep in a meditative state...
Then Pema Chodron said "whatever you choose to be aware of - the universe will serve up the opposite to help you become more aware...
if you want to practice patience - the universe will give you irritating situations so you can become aware of your impatience....
if you want to practice mindfulness - the universe will give you mind-less situations so you can become more aware...."
At that moment I received a download from the universe....
My friend was murdered because she believed in unconditional love.... she WAS the embodiment of Unconditional Love...
so she was killed in the worst way in order for her soul to practice and forgive and unconditionally love her killer....
This was her soul lesson...
If she did - her soul would not come back to this earth plane as a human - but ascend to the next realm of Angels and Muses....
The universe always unfolds for our greatest good - to bring our souls closer to source....
The universe only gives you what you can handle.... and her soul must have been so close to pure that she could handle it....
otherwise it wouldn't have been so....
This was the message I received....
and at that moment I felt like I understood....
and an awesome presence of peace came over me....
"she can do it" - I thought... she can transcend....!
I wholeheartedly believed this message - I truly believed that she was liberated from the mortal bondage of death and re-birth and that she has now gone to somewhere higher - where her love and light could do so much more profound work than on this human realm...
Today they found her killer....
he sold the things he had stolen from her home for $300...
that was all her life was worth... 300 dollars....
And instantly, that peace I had felt before vanished....
Instead I heard a voice in my head telling me that what I had realized before - what I thought was a download from the universe - was just my mind's way of rationalizing this heinous crime.... because I could not emotionally handle her death....
The voice said that there is no justice in this universe....
and that my friends death was just a cold, cruel, accident - it could happen to anybody - it just happened to be one of the most precious creatures on the planet....
If this is true - if there really is no rhyme or reason - if it just happened to be wrong place - wrong time - then I am not sure I can go on...
Then this whole world is pointless.... and everything is just random....
and there is no use to try to love - to try to help - to try to heal....
if this could just "happen" - then there is no karma - no wrong or right....
I want to believe that what my insight from the universe revealed was real - that there is some sort of order to this universe - some sort of soul evolution - some sort of kind universally all-loving spirit that guides us for our highest and greatest good....
but my mind is telling me that it's just a big rationalization and that the universe just exists - it is indifferent - and doesn't really care one way or the other...
it just goes on....
I don't know which one is real anymore...
I don't know what is real anymore...
I don't know what the point of this existence is....
I am feeling confused, cynical and a bit schizophrenic by all of this....
any insights from this tribe will be a great help in helping me to sort this tragedy out and come to some sort of terms....
Thank you for just letting me blurt this all out...
She was a shining spirit - full of life and creativity....
But most of all - she was the embodiment of Pure, Unconditional Love....
She loved everybody - always smiling - always saying "hello Love", "goodbye Love"...
Always singing "Love, Love, Love"....
Her life was a work of art and her being was pure inspiration and joy....
I loved her - everyone she ever met loved her....
Then I found out she was brutally murdered....
She was in Asia - home alone - someone tried to rob her - she fought back and was stabbed to death....
Grief, shock and disbelief overcame me....
I could not get my head around it - I could not believe that this could happen to one of the most wonderful people on this earth....
she did not deserve to go like this....
I could not imagine the fear and terror she must have felt with her last breath....
the thought of it made me physically ill....
I understand that we all must die....
and yes, it's tragic that she had to pass - her time had come - etc....
But NOT like this - how could someone so peaceful and full of unconditional love and light suffer her last day of life like this....
This can not be the way - this is just not fair - this can't be the way the universe works - it just can't.....
A week had passed after I heard the news...
I couldn't come to terms with it....
I was listening to a Pema Chodron discourse on audio....
I was deep in a meditative state...
Then Pema Chodron said "whatever you choose to be aware of - the universe will serve up the opposite to help you become more aware...
if you want to practice patience - the universe will give you irritating situations so you can become aware of your impatience....
if you want to practice mindfulness - the universe will give you mind-less situations so you can become more aware...."
At that moment I received a download from the universe....
My friend was murdered because she believed in unconditional love.... she WAS the embodiment of Unconditional Love...
so she was killed in the worst way in order for her soul to practice and forgive and unconditionally love her killer....
This was her soul lesson...
If she did - her soul would not come back to this earth plane as a human - but ascend to the next realm of Angels and Muses....
The universe always unfolds for our greatest good - to bring our souls closer to source....
The universe only gives you what you can handle.... and her soul must have been so close to pure that she could handle it....
otherwise it wouldn't have been so....
This was the message I received....
and at that moment I felt like I understood....
and an awesome presence of peace came over me....
"she can do it" - I thought... she can transcend....!
I wholeheartedly believed this message - I truly believed that she was liberated from the mortal bondage of death and re-birth and that she has now gone to somewhere higher - where her love and light could do so much more profound work than on this human realm...
Today they found her killer....
he sold the things he had stolen from her home for $300...
that was all her life was worth... 300 dollars....
And instantly, that peace I had felt before vanished....
Instead I heard a voice in my head telling me that what I had realized before - what I thought was a download from the universe - was just my mind's way of rationalizing this heinous crime.... because I could not emotionally handle her death....
The voice said that there is no justice in this universe....
and that my friends death was just a cold, cruel, accident - it could happen to anybody - it just happened to be one of the most precious creatures on the planet....
If this is true - if there really is no rhyme or reason - if it just happened to be wrong place - wrong time - then I am not sure I can go on...
Then this whole world is pointless.... and everything is just random....
and there is no use to try to love - to try to help - to try to heal....
if this could just "happen" - then there is no karma - no wrong or right....
I want to believe that what my insight from the universe revealed was real - that there is some sort of order to this universe - some sort of soul evolution - some sort of kind universally all-loving spirit that guides us for our highest and greatest good....
but my mind is telling me that it's just a big rationalization and that the universe just exists - it is indifferent - and doesn't really care one way or the other...
it just goes on....
I don't know which one is real anymore...
I don't know what is real anymore...
I don't know what the point of this existence is....
I am feeling confused, cynical and a bit schizophrenic by all of this....
any insights from this tribe will be a great help in helping me to sort this tragedy out and come to some sort of terms....
Thank you for just letting me blurt this all out...
posted by:
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Sun, March 2, 2008 - 6:39 PMThank you for sharing so beautifully. Your love is so strong!
There are some fundamental truths of this universe, a great balancing that needs to happen so that we can all evolve back to source. There are certain violences both subtle and great that still operate within each of us, because we are all a holographic seed of the entire universe, we carry all the imprints of what "reality" is in our DNA. We are all extensions and instuments of the one.
So if violence is still a part of our agreed upon reality (whether conscious or not) it will exist. This includes inner violence, ie "hating" feelings of anger, etc. We have to learn to love all aspects of our beingness in order to transform. Form (including thoughts) are energy and energy cannot just go away, it needs to be transmuted somehow. So when horiible things happen, it is part of what balances the energy so we can exist in 3D and learn about both the dark and the light, so when we return we carry more consiousness and are able to choose to transmute our shadows in ways that will truly serve us as spiritual beings and the planet as well.
We will always attract experiences to ourselves that will help us enter our shadows so that we can learn to fully love the dark. I have a dear friend that is so pissed off at his mother, and can't let it go, that he attracts women to him, who he says, "tell him what to do." Well, these women are simply pushing the places where he needs to heal the most around his mother (the mother is unconditional love). Our souls want us to return back to source, so sometimes the lessons are so great, we spend our whole lives feeling miserable and victimized, until one day, we wake up and realize that is was "we" who chose to be here right now, that we have a choice to take our power or blame others for "what happened." And whatever is chosen, it's totally perfect. We are all working out the kinks in this grand plan called life on Earth.
Energy will never just dissappear, it either changes form by will or keeps repeating itself (Karma). It seems unfortunate, but we all must go through the shadows and lights, bright and dark, spirit and matter. When we all start being responsible for our feelings and loving ourselves totally, we can become incredibly aware of our shadows so that "they" do not run us, we exist with them as friends and choose to express them in ways that are loving, artistic, noble, etc. We start co-creating love with Gaia, manifesting our dream lives, and we become emotionally self-reliant, too.
I cry now, because I see how much your friend has served the planet and those around her. Being able to hold a space of unconditional love is so incredibly powerful. Your dear spirit friend was doing her life's work, and this was her lesson so that she can come back and love even more powerfully. Unconditional love is the vehicle of transformation.
Your grieving is needed too. So grieve, deeply and powerfully and ask yourself what kind of life and reality you want for you. This is the gift your loving friend is giving to you right now. Love is beyond space and time, in fact, it is what created space and time.
Much love and powerful light to you. Your sharing has touched me. Thank you.
Angelica -
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Re: my friend was murdered...
Mon, March 3, 2008 - 12:50 AMThank you so much love!!!
Your wisdom has helped me to realize that my first intuition was right...and how the mind makes us doubt so much...!
I am convicted in my spirit to live life to the fullest and love, love and love some more....!
and will continue believing in my angles, my muses and my higher divine spirit made of love!!!
With deepest gratitude to you wise woman!
you are beautiful!!!
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